Graduating

The day of Duquesne University's commencement ceremony
I stood up with my fellow class of 2011 graduates,
united together in a state of relief, excitement, and fear of what’s to come.

Speeches are given on how commencement is a celebration of beginnings, not endings; on how making this world a more loving place is just as important as finding a profession within this currently uncertain marketplace; that we’ve been given the educational tools needed to succeed both financially and spiritually, in this economy.

One would think that after hearing these inspiring speeches, that their would only be an air of hope for the quickly coming future of life after college, which their most certainly was. Yet as I try to breath this air of hope in, I can’t help but feel the urge to hold my breath, cause what comes next after academics, is a bit scary. When the dean of my liberal arts college declares us official graduates of Duquesne University, I watch in awe as not one graduate, including myself, throws their hats in the air to celebrate.

I can tell you, that the reason why my hat didn’t leave my head was because I feared that if it did, it would confirm the fact that the roof of college was no longer over me; that I would cease to have my university meal plan to put food on the table; that I was no longer a kid in the eyes of world I knew, as if I was ever still considered a child- by anyone other than my parents- after turning 18.

So I hid under that cap and gown, for just a little bit longer, hoping to become a little bit stronger before having to take it off; before having to move out into the world with no big job prospects, or overarching security nets; before having to face the good and bad consequences of not holding a socially normal career in mind, but a calling. A calling, which tells me that in time, these words of inspiring stories that I weave will conceive a child who symbolizes the birth of the loving world that I believe to be here... somewhere...waiting to be found.

So somehow, I’ll have to move forward, away from my history here in academia, and take on all the responsibilities of the “real world” while remaining the idealistic dreamer that I am, and sometimes, I wonder if I can. As I walk out of the commencement ceremony, that walking wonder turns into a running worry that I won’t be able to do so, transforming my walk out of the commencement hall into a mad dash clear across to the other side of campus, where when I’m finally far enough, I sit down and take a deep breath...finally filling my lungs with an air of hope for what’s coming after this.

I am reminded of the quote that states, “you learn by looking back, but you live by looking forward.” And at that moment, I realize that I’ve spent enough time learning about how hard this world has been. I’ve learned enough about how difficult it is to make a dream a reality, and how many people never make it trying to strike out on their own. I’ve even been well educated on the statistic of people who go back home to live with their parents after 4 years because of the lack of jobs available that are even remotely connected to the major they chose to pursue during their college career. I’ve been informed enough, and I’m done learning this stuff.

For there comes a time in a persons life when they can no longer learn anything new about how the world has been, but instead have to take their college degree in life and choose how they want their world to be and it’s time to for us...or at least for me...to graduate.